Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
