Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
