Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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