Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
