wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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