i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
