it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
