I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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