I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
