you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize