You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize