You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
