onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
