i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
