I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
