In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
