no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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