i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
