His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
