Fuck appropriateness.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
