She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
