so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
