Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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