My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
