Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
