We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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