he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize