Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we made out on top of his cat.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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