Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
