This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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