there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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