apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
