did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize