I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I supernannyed him into submission
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
