im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I could fuck to npr.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
