I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bring money and cleavage
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
