So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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