i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
