I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
