The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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