Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Randomize
