he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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