"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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