He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
