i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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