question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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