Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
