If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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