i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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