Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
