Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
