there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
