when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
