shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
whose parrot is this?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
