I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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