so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
