I wannas sexs uuuuu
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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