Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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