I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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