There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
