Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
