I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize