Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
