Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
