im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
