Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
