literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
