just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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