Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
