I will die if light touches me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize