Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That was an excessively violent trivia night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
