What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
