i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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